Lest you think this is some front for a bunch of guys who just don’t want to shave, our Ethics Committee has come up with Mustache Growing Rules.
1. Wednesday, November 14th, 2012 is Shaving Day. Participants will shave their faces clean of any and all facial hair. This includes, but is not limited to, Mustaches, beards, goatees, muttonchops, chinstraps, soul patches, sideburns that extend below the top of the earlobe, and Van Dykes.
2. For the duration of one month (4 weeks) sweet Mustaches will be grown for the world to behold. During that time, there will be weekly Mustache Checkpoint Days at bars throughout DC. All involved will shave their mugs on Checkpoint Days, save for the area above their upper lips. No fair growing a full beard or goatee for a month, and then shaving down to just the Mustache. The Mustache must only stretch from one corner of your mouth to the other corner.
3. No Hitler Mustaches are allowed.
4. The use of growth hormones and coloring agents is not condoned or sanctioned by Mustaches for Kids. We feel that these Mustache Growing Performance Enhancers violate the spirit of the contest.
5. Though the Mustache Checkpoints are not mandatory – Mustaches for Kids believes in the Honor System – they are a great opportunity to encourage your Mustache brothers-in-arms during the growing season. Mustaches for Kids representatives will be available at all Checkpoints to address any Mustache questions or concerns. And we will drink beer.
6. With such burgeoning Mustaches firmly in place, fundraising should be a walk in the park. The minimum Pledge Goal for each Grower should be $100.00 for the Children’s National Medical Center, but in no way should anyone be discouraged from participating in the contest because he doesn’t think he can make the Pledge Goal – $5 or $500, it goes to a good cause. Please be aware of and obey all local laws when soliciting donations.
7. While Mustaches for Kids does not endorse trash-talking or making disparaging comments of any kind about another Grower’s Mustache, there are a number of unsubstantiated medical theories that Mustache Abuse stimulates follicle growth.
8. When all is said and done, a Mustache Competition will be held on Friday, December 14th at Penn Social, where a panel of judges will select the Sweetest ‘Stache, using a complicated, and very scientific, set of criteria; Mustaches will be judged solely on these standards. Race, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, and popularity will not be taken into consideration. As in past years, booing will not be tolerated, especially by rival competitors; this is for charity, after all. Much like the Mustache Checkpoints, the final judging should foster a party-like atmosphere to celebrate the fruits of everyone’s Mustache labors.
9. While the Growing Season will end after four weeks, there is no deadline for fundraising. Paypal runs all year long, kids. Checks are also accepted and should be made payable to the Children’s National Medical Center (CMNC) with “Mustaches for Kids” written in the Memo portion. All proceeds from the Mustaches for Kids Mustache Growing Contest and Fundraiser go to the Children’s National Medical Center of DC, which is a 501 (c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to providing healthcare to young people of the District of Columbia. Donations submitted by check are tax-deductible. You can hand off checks to a Mustache Representative at the Mustache Checkpoints, at the ‘Stache Bash, or mail them to:
Mustaches for Kids DC
1660 Lanier Place NW Apt 504
Washington, DC 20009
10. Finally, while merchandising is encouraged, please do not violate any local, state, or national statutes. For example, sales tax regulations may apply. And all profits must be donated as well.
11. Good luck and good growing!